


The Penis-Shaped Chilli Filled Chocolate Roulette Game of Doom

by Accel



Category: Ultraman Zero - Fandom, ウルトラシリーズ | Ultra Series
Genre: Mild Sexual Content, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-26 15:12:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5009548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accel/pseuds/Accel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Glen talks his datefriends into playing a game he bought online.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Penis-Shaped Chilli Filled Chocolate Roulette Game of Doom

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is set in an AU of the Super 8 Brothers movie where Zero and the rest of the Ultimate Force Zero exist. The game they're playing is [an actual thing that exists](http://www.lastnightoffreedom.co.uk/hen-night-shop/games-&-tasks/chocolate-chilli-willy-roulette/). In the movie, Seiji and Yuuko do actually work in a cafe called 'Pompadour', which is a real [chain of cafes](http://www.pompadour.co.jp/). Also, there's sexual language in this, but no sexual behaviour besides a kiss.

“Do I dare ask what this is?” Mirror said as he squinted at the box Glen had thrust into his face. His English wasn’t anywhere near as good as Glen’s, so he was having trouble figuring out what the words on the box said. The penis-shaped chocolates made it abundantly clear that this was something ‘adult’, but as for what it actually was…

“This,” Glen said, shaking the box, as if he hadn’t already gotten Mirror’s full attention, “Is a fun night out. Or rather, in. We can play it tonight with the others!”

“By _fun_ , do you mean...?” Mirror said, leaning back in his chair and raising his eyebrows at Glen.

“No no, it’s not sex,” Glen said, waving a hand. He hopped onto Mirror’s lap. “It’s like a game of roulette. You spin the wheel, take a chocolate, and you won’t know until you’ve eaten it if it’s filled with chilli or not!”

Oh, that explained it. Well, at least Mirror didn’t have to worry about questionable sex toys. Glen’s smile was so wide it looked like it was going to jump off his face. Mirror couldn’t help smiling back. “A high stakes game, then,” he said, wrapping his arms around Glen’s waist. “I can see why you’re interested.”

“Yes! Wait, are you saying I like taking risks?”

“Are you saying you don’t?”

“…You got me there,” Glen said after a moment, and leaned down to give Mirror a kiss.

 

* * *

 

Mirror ending up agreeing to play Glen’s penis-shaped chilli filled chocolate roulette game of doom. He had a strong feeling he was going to regret it, but it was hard to say no when Glen was in enthusiastic puppy mode.

All it had taken to convince Zero to play was Glen phoning him and saying, “I have a game we should all play. You up for it?” Mirror and Glen were lying on the bed, heads close together. Mirror clearly heard Zero’s loud ‘Yes!’ coming out of Glen’s phone.

“Zero, you don’t even know what you’re agreeing to-” Mirror started to say, and sighed when Zero’s tinny voice said even more loudly, “You’re playing too, Mirror!”

Nine had readily agreed to potential chilli demise, but convincing Jean had taken more effort. After Glen spent two minutes repeatedly texting the word ‘chicken’ to Jean’s phone, he called Glen and yelled, “Fine, I’ll play your dick game! Stop laughing, I hate you!”

Glen was sniggering so hard it looked like he was going to roll off the bed. Mirror reached over and put a steadying hand on his side. His phone buzzed, showing a text from Jean that said, _please burn whatever the hell he wants us to play_.

_Burnt chocolate smell is horrendous and will stink up our place,_ he texted back. Glen peered at the phone, and attempted to take it from Mirror’s hands.

“I wanna make fun of grilled chicken,” Glen whined.

“You’ll have plenty of opportunities to do that tonight,” Mirror said, putting a hand on Glen’s face and gently pushing him away.

 

* * *

 

Zero came over to Mirror’s and Glen’s apartment as soon as he got off work. After greeting them and setting his bag down, he and Glen bumped fists and wasted no time in starting one of their taunting matches.

“You sure you up for this, Zero? I seem to recall you gasping for water after eating too much chilli at your dad’s restaurant.”

Zero shoved him. “ _Everyone_ was gasping for water, including you. Dad put in too much chilli. Did your brain fall out since I last saw you?”

“I’m still in possession of my brain and it’s working fine, thank you very much,” Glen said, puffing up indignantly.

Mirror tuned them out, letting their conversation become pleasant background noise. They eventually wandered over to where he was curled up on the couch, reading a book. Zero sat down next to him, lifting his legs up and setting them down in his lap. Glen perched on the arm of the couch, still verbally sparring with Zero. At one point Zero pushed Glen, and he squawked as he almost lost his balance.

Half an hour later, the doorbell rang. Glen and Zero ran to the door, like excited children, while Mirror followed them more slowly. Jean and Nine entered the apartment, greeting all of them and taking their shoes off. Mirror took Nine’s share of the takeaway boxes he and his sibling were carrying and headed to the refrigerator. Jean entered the kitchen a minute later, depositing the takeaway boxes he had on the dining table. He stared at the two milk cartons and three cups of milk sitting on the top shelf of the refrigerator.

Mirror turned around, saw where he was looking, and said, “I’m assuming there’s a lot of chilli in those chocolates.” It was best to be prepared.

“I see,” Jean said, still staring at the milk. Mirror patted his arm sympathetically. 

Now that they were all here, Glen and Zero quickly got out the extra chairs and set the contents of the roulette game’s box on the table. Nine went to the kitchen, yanked on Jean’s sleeve and pulled him over to the table. Mirror followed them, smiling. Once they had all sat down, they cast their gazes onto the objects on the table.

Mirror hadn’t looked at what was inside the box, but it wasn’t any worse than what he’d been imagining. The image on the front of the box had already shown him the worst of what the game had to offer, after all. There was a simple roulette wheel (if you could even call it that), which was a square piece of cardboard with an orange disc in the middle. There was a picture of a chilli on the disc, acting as a pointer, and numbered pictures of the chocolates were spread evenly around the disc. Next to the wheel was the tray of penis-shaped chocolates. The chocolates were arranged in a circle, each chocolate pointing to a number in the middle of the tray. They were smaller than Mirror expected them to be, but he wouldn’t let their size deceive him. They spelled doom for three people here tonight.

“Alright, let’s get the party started! Does everyone know how to play?” Glen said gleefully, rubbing his hands together. Mirror looked at the others. They were still looking at the tray of chocolates. Zero was regarding them with far more seriousness and determination than was warranted, Nine was amused, and Jean looked mildly horrified.

“You spin the wheel, and whichever chocolate the chilli points to is the one you gotta eat, right?” Zero said, scrunching his brow.

“You got it,” Glen said, making finger guns at Zero. “Now, to make this more exciting, how about the people who lose have to buy the winners those nice cakes from Pompadour?”

Everyone perked up at the suggestion and agreed to the wager. Hokuto’s and Minami’s heavenly confectionaries were worth risking death by chilli for.

“Before we start, may I ask where you got this game from?” Nine said to Glen.

“Oh, somewhere online. Don’t worry, it’s not gonna kill you,” Glen said, waving a hand dismissively.

“I _highly_ doubt that,” Jean said, glaring at Glen.

“You doubt my internet shopping skills?” Glen said in outrage, putting a hand over his heart.

“Now now, you two,” Mirror said placatingly. “You should go first, Glen. You were the one who so graciously bought this game, after all.”

Glen looked at him and snorted. He spun the wheel, and they all watched its rotations gradually slow. When it came to a stop, the chilli was pointing at the number four. Glen picked up the fourth chocolate and shoved it into his mouth.

“Mirror just wants to see me choke on a dick,” he said, words indistinct as he chewed. Zero sniggered at that.

“Well…” Mirror said, hiding his smile behind a hand. He wasn’t opposed to Glen being one of tonight’s victims.

Glen swallowed. “That one was just regular chocolate,” he said cheerfully. Zero and Jean looked rather disappointed.

“Your turn, grilled chicken,” Glen said, looking expectantly at Jean. Jean slowly reached for the roulette wheel, an expression of intense trepidation on his face. He spun it, and it stopped on the number two. He looked at the tray. There were nine pieces of chocolate left, and he was regarding them as if they were poisonous snakes about to bite him.

Glen had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. “You’re a big chi-” he started to say, but Jean cut him off with a shrill ‘Shut up!’. He quickly grabbed the second chocolate and ate it.

“I would make a joke about you biting someone’s dick off, but…” Nine said, also grinning.

“You shut up, too!” Jean said, directing his glare at his sibling.

“Another miss?” Mirror said, since Jean didn’t seem to be suffering the ill-effects of eating chilli.

“Yes, thank god,” Jean said, scowling at Glen.

“My turn!” Zero said excitedly. The wheel stopped at the number seven.

“Isn’t seven your dad’s lucky number or something?” Glen said, giving the wheel a suspicious look as Zero quickly stuffed the chocolate into his mouth.

“How’d you know tha — ” Zero started to say, then started coughing. Mirror, Nine, and Jean made varying sounds of surprise, while Glen hooted in victory. Mirror leaped out of his chair and got one of the cups of milk out of the refrigerator.

“Thank you,” Zero wheezed as he accepted the cup from Mirror, face bright red. He downed its contents in one go.

“You lose, Zero!” Glen crowed, putting an arm around Zero’s shoulder. “When I win, I want you to buy me that pink cake with custard in the middle. I love that one.”

“Shut up, you haven’t won yet,” Zero said, pouting.

Mirror gently elbowed Zero. “Don’t be too disappointed, Zero. You and Glen always challenge each other.” Jean and Nine chimed in to agree with Mirror, Nine stopping Jean before he started ranting about the time one of their challenges broke his bike. Zero still looked disappointed that he’d lost, but his pout had slightly diminished.

“As for your dad, well, one time when I was at the restaurant, and he started going on about how wonderful the number seven was,” Glen said.

“That _does_ sound like Zero’s dad,” Nine said. Everyone nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, that’s definitely him,” Zero sighed.

“Anyway, the game isn’t over yet! Let’s continue,” Glen said, casting expectant glances at Mirror and Nine.

“I’ll go,” Nine said. He spun the wheel, getting number three. He bit one of the balls off the chocolate. Everyone winced. “It’s a normal one,” he said, looking unperturbed as he bit off the other ball.

It was Mirror’s turn, now. He spun the wheel, picked up the tenth chocolate, and cautiously bit the tip off. To his relief, he had gotten a non-chilli one. It tasted like average milk chocolate, which was to be expected from a product of dubious origins.

“My turn again,” Glen said, eyes bright with anticipation. As soon as he bit into the chocolate, he made a strangled sound, and dashed to the kitchen. Zero raised his arms in triumph, and Jean pumped his fist.

“That’s what you get for inflicting this on us!” Jean said, pointing a finger in the direction of the kitchen.

Glen walked back to the table, two cups and a carton of milk in his hands. “Don’t start celebrating yet. It could be you next,” Glen shot back at Jean. He set the remaining full cup on the table and poured more milk in his and Zero’s cups.

Jean’s turn was a miss, to his infinite relief. Everyone chuckled over Nine getting the ninth chocolate. “Luck is on my side to…night…” Nine said, trailing off. He put a hand on his throat, then picked up the last cup of milk and drank it.

Glen whooped, and everyone visibly relaxed. It was over. Jean bumped shoulders with Nine, telling him better luck next time. Zero sighed and sat back, still looking disappointed.

“So, looks like Mirror and Jean won!” Glen said. “Hey, this was pretty fun. You think I should buy another one?”

Mirror, Jean, and Nine said ‘No!’ simultaneously. Zero made a non-committal sound.

“This _was_ fun, but I’d prefer to not play this game again,” Mirror said. Glen made a sad sound at his words. Mirror was pleased about getting free cakes, but he was mostly happy he hadn’t had to eat chilli-flavoured chocolate.

Jean stood up and went over to Glen. He put his hands on Glen’s shoulders, and leaned in close. “Buy me my favourite cake,” he said.

“I don’t know what your favourite cake is,” Glen said nervously.

Jean leaned even closer. “Tough shit. Keep buying them until you get the right one.”

“What?! I didn’t agree to that!” Glen yelped.

“I deserve compensation for the emotional turmoil you’ve caused me!” he shouted.

Mirror groaned as Glen and Jean started tussling. Nine and Zero watched them fight for a minute, then started poking each other’s red cheeks. Zero made an affronted noise as Nine switched to pinching him. Mirror ate the rest of the chocolate and watched his friends fight. Aside from the penis-shaped chocolates, it’d been a normal day for them, really. He wouldn’t give this up for anything in the world, but he might consider it briefly if Glen attempted to subject them to another round of chilli-flavoured doom.


End file.
